[...]="lsts lst2">◦="trms"nttrm="righ,rigo,riga,rigi,trig,rign">rigorously passionate perception
="lsts lst1">•="trms">rhetorical perception
="lsts lst1">•sacred perception
="lsts lst1">•devilish perception
="lsts lst1">•queer non-perception
="lsts lst1">•having a taste for ="nms">iranian stuff perception
="lsts lst1">•
='lgc'>='lgc'>--> poly="trms">skilled web of friends



='at'>#="nms">Bambi's mother studies='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•other ="trms">stories possibility, ="trms">past and ="trms">history, performative approach to film
="lsts lst1">•politics of ="trms">memory, and ="trms">affect
="lsts lst1">•patterns of re="trms">membrance ='lgc'>=/= event recall
="lsts lst1">•

="large lg2" stl="font-size:112%"> three ="trms">childhood ="trms">memories, ="trms">stories, from elementary school='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•the ="trms">mime of “you think (too much)”
="lsts lst1">•the weird pro hit on the coming ball
="lsts lst1">•peeping into the toilet
="lsts lst1">•

my ="trms">childhood recognizing='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•filaments (hypha, hyphae, تار) of spider webs
="lsts lst1">•patterns of ants
="lsts lst1">•motion color b="trms"nttrm="failure,blur,plur,lurk,tallur,slur">lurings ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> that ="trms">present is “physical if the eye is quick enough” (="frds scrmbld">Stevens)
="lsts lst1">•

the ways i was engaged as a ="trms">child in scope-="trms">apparatus, micro-macro scales


what other ="trms">stories, re="trms">membrances of the ="trms">past are possible='qstn'>?
="prgrph">-="trms">different ="trms">apparatuses of attention, reconstruction, and ="trms">storytelling, that are ="trms">="trms">equipped to hold diffractive patterns of ‘that which comes to mind’


="display:block;white-space:nowrap;margin-bottom:-1em;overflow:hidden;">...................................

can we care for “="nms">iranians” without “for ="nms">iran”='qstn'>?
(i can't care less about ="nms">Iran)

="display:block;white-space:nowrap;margin-bottom:-1em;overflow:hidden;">...................................

perhaps artistic research is all about playing cat's cradle (='lgc'>=/= autism) ='lgc'>: (you have all ="trms">sorts of limbs, even ="nms">phantom limbs) you must learn sustaining the rhythm of accepting and giving, (collaborative) patterning (that requires passion and action) ='lgc'>[this is one ="trms">skill that ="trms">matters a lot, what i have been trying to teach myself above anything else in the last years='lgc'>] ='lgc'>[i am playing that game with ="ppl">="ppl">Haraway, joining her (and others) in ="trms">thick, collaborative patterning; generous knottings; ="trms">thickening the knots, relaying a mutated and re="trms">situated pattern for the next play='lgc'>]
="lsts lst1">•getting the knot, proposing another
="lsts lst1">•you must learn how to hold still
="lsts lst2">◦(more and more) in ="trms">different ="trms">material and conceptual grains of detail and resolution
="lsts lst1">•the most important thing in research practices is this patterning, ="trms">networks reenacted (="ppl">Katie ="ppl">King)
(="frds scrmbld">Lili's kiss project was about that, blocked ="trms">intersubjectivity, a ="trms">matter of “learning to be ="trms">affected”; can i say that ="frds scrmbld">Lili's issue is with the lack of ='lgc'>[psychological, or psychic='lgc'>] dialogue='qstn'>? a ="trms">language that no longer carries ="trms">="trms"nttrm="metaph,metamorph,metabol,metal">metaphor displaces the ="trms">="trms"nttrm="metaph,metamorph,metabol,metal">metaphorical drive='lgc'>: acting out the soul's ="trms">="trms"nttrm="metaph,metamorph,metabol,metal">metaphor in direct ='lgc'>[non="trms">verbal='lgc'>] action. the breath in ="frds scrmbld">Lili's work, is the same in her suffocated kiss and scream performance, once hold in and one unleashed, lack of a “breather,” of a “converser,” of a partner in cat's cradle.)='lgc'>--='lgc'>[i like to propose a repatterning='lgc'>: in research environments we play a lot “catch me if you can”='lgc'>: to catching you in action, to capture your ‘knowing’ in action, to capture eros or logos in act, ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> ='at'>#beauty is ="trms">interested in action='lgc'>]
="lsts lst1">•it is about “understanding living with contra="trms">diction” ='lgc'>: making choices without necessarily turning the other choices into something an enemy does ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> important for collective research life; “='lgc'>[we='lgc'>] need each other's extremes”; ='strcls'>*our activisms are not the same='strcls'>*='lgc'>: to open up to our extremes, to open up to what you are not sure of ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> to find ways to be in productive alliance (='lgc'>=/= ='thdf'>the notion that everybody has to do everything ='lgc'>[tell ="frds scrmbld">Xiri='lgc'>])
="lsts lst1">•(educating oneself) actually know how to explain what somebody else said and not just what you said='strcls'>*** ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> figuring out how to disagree with each other as well as agree, that no statement is going to be taken as evidence of being the enemy (='lgc'>='lgc'>--> we face this in ="nms">apass)
="lsts lst1">•learning how to recognize ="trms">authority (as a mentor and participant) (the problem of the inability to deal with ="trms">authority, common in early feminist movement, traces in ="frds scrmbld">Xiri) ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> being alert to how hierarchy shut people up that one don't acknowl="trms"nttrm="knowledge,Knowledge">edge the hierarchies that emerge out of that ='strcls'>*='lgc'>{alarm ='lgc'>='lgc'>==> hierarchy='lgc'>}='strcls'>*
="lsts lst1">•in ="nms">apass i am trying to re="trms">member what my peers are doing, and when i see things i think of them, and they are in my ="trms">citation ="trms">network (they are all over ="nms">ajayeb.net) and i am aware of what they have told me. words they are inventing are in my ="trms">vocabulary too (='thdf'>that is why i am so energetic calling in ="frds scrmbld">Xiri's ="trms">category change ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> for example “generous suspicion”)
="lsts lst1">•collective research environment works by ="trms">networks='strcls'>* (='lgc'>='lgc'>--> a problem with ="nms">apass)


='lgc'>[='strcls'>*='lgc'>]="trms">epistemology='lgc'> = ="trms">stories knowl="trms"nttrm="knowledge,Knowledge">edges tell


sometimes practices ="trms">demand='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•ex="trms">="trms"nttrm="cluster,club">clusive expertise (='lgc'>~ focus)
="lsts lst1">•extensive scholarship ='lgc'>='lgc'>==> linking and speculating
="lsts lst1">•attaching unexpected ="trms">agencies and territories to each other


(better) understanding the mechanisms and ="trms">affects of in="trms">="trms"nttrm="cluster,club">clusion and ex="trms">="trms"nttrm="cluster,club">clusion in ="trms">communities of practice
for example in ="nms">apass (we are dealing with)='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•suffer ='lgc'><='lgc'>== ="trms">mutual incomprehensions
="lsts lst1">•pain ='lgc'><='lgc'>== heterogeneous knowl="trms"nttrm="knowledge,Knowledge">edge ="trms">worlds
="lsts lst1">•="trms"nttrm="danger,stranger">anger ='lgc'><='lgc'>== unevenly distributed power
="lsts lst1">•fatigue ='lgc'><='lgc'>== exposure to intensity
="lsts lst1">•tension ='lgc'><='lgc'>== ="trms">different ="trms">styles of knowing

="large lg10" stl="font-size:126%"> unacknowl="trms"nttrm="knowledge,Knowledge">edged suffering ='lgc'>--(in ="trms">past and ="trms">present)='at'>@="frds scrmbld">Hoda='lgc'>='lgc'>--> as well as pleasures


(what do you make out of ="trms"nttrm="already,spread">reading your gender ="trms">material='qstn'>?)


="trms">Greek brainwomb


feminism  ='lgc'>='lgc'>~/= feminist theory='lgc'>='lgc'>-->='lgc'>{highly diverse, located in many domains of practices in and out of the university, and understood to be this highly diverse activity='lgc'>}

="large lg14" stl="font-size:117%">
the talks i have been giving are done by someone with a kind of mind and soul that just makes connections fast. i work orally. the ="trms">lectures are heavily prepared (and some important ways unprepared in the manner of its performance='lgc'>: all those connections happening during the talk not knowing them beforehand, they happen by the encounter='strcls'>*) and full of cue (سخن رهنما، ايماء، اشارت) and quirk (تزئينات، تناقض گويى، تغيير ناگهانى فکر). my notes and scripting are invisible to my audience, but they are there at work. and it gets people ex="trms">cited. and that's the point. i work with confusion and ex="trms">citement. i have not been good at laying out groundwork of ="trms">skills, going to next level and so on. i am working with that feeling of “i am not sure what i am getting, by i think i am getting it”. i also always come back, loop again through the same ="trms">material, go back to the ="trms">question we were raising before and ='strcls'>***“watch what is happening to the ="trms">language”='strcls'>***(="ppl">="ppl">Haraway). these are the ways my connections work. artistic and scholarly work works by ='strcls'>**modes of attention='strcls'>** ='lgc'>[='lgc'>--re="trms">member='lgc'>='lgc'>--> your mode of attention (= your mode of abstraction) is doing the foregrounding and the ="trms">world is not actually built that way. so you make ‘your mode of attention='lgc'> = ="trms">world’ to inhabit something for a certain time only to do a certain kind of work)='lgc'>] ='lgc'>--(because)='lgc'>='lgc'>--> you are always jumping into the middle of something that is ongoing before you, into the middle of many conversations. you are learning how to get it in several ways at once. the hypertext that i have been building also characterizes these kinds of layering upon layering of textual work. teaching myself how to ="trms">write and how to play with ideas.
working with (="ppl">="ppl">Haraway's) kind of good-enough approach to a body of scholarship ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> inhabiting many things that i have only got half-di="trms">gested (='lgc'>=/= through di="trms">gestion, particular bodies of ="trms"nttrm="already,spread">reading that people need to have mastered in order to argue)

(after five years now i am) feeling myself (a little bit more) competent and confident in (some) ="trms">scientific ="trms">literacy and in (some of) the ="trms">skills of the arts and ="trms">literature ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> ='qstn'>?

after ="nms">apass='lgc'>: ="nms">apass was a safe-enough space for my inventive processes, to make ="trms">interesting mistakes, but do i need a real scholarly undertaking with ="nms">ajayeb='qstn'>?
i had a lousy education, don't know still how to ="trms">write well and coherently and sustain a project. i don't have the ="trms">skills to pull off ='mywrk'>my research as a phd, as a scholar. i need someone to work with me line-by-line. i need to go people who have ="trms">serious educations in my subject, and ask them ="trms">questions, and ="trms"nttrm="already,spread">read.
and i am missing that kind of connectivity that your ="trms">writing being ="trms"nttrm="already,spread">read performs. do i need an atmosphere in which my kind of ="trms">writerly activities are honored and foregrounded, and expected='qstn'>?

can my ="nms">ajayeb beome a real scholarly project with ="trms">seriously labor-intensive student work='qstn'>?


hostility ='lgc'>=/= indi="trms">gestibility ='lgc'>{they cannot recognize it, it is something else='lgc'>}='lgc'>='lgc'>--> it is not personal, but a ="trms">historical state of a discourse, and the ="trms">nature of the kinds of possibilities that being opened up or closed


(in ="nms">apass) all of us fail each other in ="trms">different ways all the time='strcls'>*

we can barely ="trms"nttrm="already,spread">read each other's works/="trms">books. but we do, and we struggle with each other's works/="trms">books

="large lg14" stl="font-size:127%">
(in ="nms">apass i am catching my self giving “advice” to others='lgc'>='lgc'>---risk of the advice='lgc'>:) violation of their ="trms">integrity

='strcls'>*taxonomy='lgc'>: (constantly ="trms">morphing) tools, they work and get worked, ='strcls'>*they are part of ="trms">situated conversations='strcls'>* (='lgc'>~ “theory conversations” ="ppl">Katie ="ppl">King < ="ppl">="ppl">Haraway)
(='lgc'>=/= some kind of enemy that you never do)


='strcls'>***almost everybody is organically part of more than one conversation at a time='strcls'>*** (="ppl">="ppl">Haraway)
(this is so important to recognize specially in collaborative research environments such as ="nms">apass)


(in political movement='lgc'>:) working to a kind of clarity of ideological ="trms">position ='lgc'>='lgc'>==> to do certain kinds of things (that are harder to do if you don't have them ='lgc'>[those ideological ="trms">positions='lgc'>] in the ="trms">world) ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> they are used as ='strcls'>*tools='strcls'>* to produce what got called ='strcls'>*political correctness='strcls'>* ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> always producing those who count and those who don't count='strcls'>*
='lgc'>=/=='qstn'>? feminist movement='lgc'> = ='strcls'>***a kind of vulnerability to not being who you thought you were='strcls'>*** ='lgc'>: openness to risk, less of a defensiveness, less of an attack mentality, not shaping each other up into vanguards پيشقراول ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> (towards thinking) ="trms">differential/op="trms">positional consciousness (='lgc'>=/= father, single kind of creators)


“you can know if you are wrong in rather ="trms">interesting, ="trms">situated ways”
='at'>@="frds scrmbld"nttrm="Leonardo">Leo
='at'>@="frds scrmbld">Maarten


='lgc'>[='strcls'>*='lgc'>]"was”='lgc'>: (so important for ="nms">iranians ='lgc'>[='at'>#="trms">past='lgc'>]) a geographical place, a place='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•of pain
="lsts lst1">•of fantasy
="lsts lst1">•of hope
="lsts lst1">•of possibility
="lsts lst1">•of defeat
="lsts lst1">•of breaking and building
(='lgc'>='lgc'>--> a borderland)

="large lg1" stl="font-size:146%">
="trms">="trms"nttrm="metaph,metamorph,metabol,metal">metaphors that are also real places
figurings that are also (always unequally) lived in the flesh


to think “contact zone” instead of “binary shape”
ways of living and ="trms">technologies, ways of doing the ="trms">world forcibly brought together in ="trms">relations of ="trms">serious inequality, but which do not take the simple shape of dominator and dominated


='strcls'>*“abstractions are precious and they take a huge amount of work to know how to build them well”='strcls'>*

(='qstn'>?how do i know when in working with ="nms">ajayeb) sometimes you are required (at the same time!)='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•to be dead ="trms">literal
="lsts lst1">•to be precise
="lsts lst1">•to be analytically good
="lsts lst1">•to be unforgivingly ="trms">technically ="trms"nttrm="righ,rigo,riga,rigi,trig,rign">right
="lsts lst1">•to be flaming ="trms">imaginative
="lsts lst1">•


='strcls'>*breakdown='strcls'>*='lgc'>: where the normalizing fails ='lgc'>='lgc'>==> something else emerges


='strcls'>*every collective needs people who feel='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•(a grace given to you by the structure of your cells, you don't know where it comes from='lgc'>:) “root sense that the ="trms">world is not dead” ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> a sense that things are moving and alive and future-full
="lsts lst1">•its people who feel despair (...emphasize the futurelessness of it all)

='strcls'>*!!!='lgc'>='lgc'>--> we (also) need sensibilities that are angrey at each other

(aligned with ="ppl">="ppl">Haraway) my ="trms">position has been that='lgc'>: we don't choose our sensibilities, we wake up and figure out what they are


(="ppl">="ppl">Haraway take on the ways we) may enginner as a ="trms">species now (tech, syntax, etc.)


to refuse the ="trms">story of the apocalypse ='lgc'>+ (still) recognizing the depth of the trouble
='lgc'>='lgc'>--> ="ppl">Freud's thanatos غريزه مرگ, a death instinct, (it is a deep, instinctual ="trms"nttrm="failure,blur,plur,lurk,tallur,slur">lure='lgc'>:) ='strcls'>*a ="trms">perverse pleasure in believing in inevitable fai="trms"nttrm="failure,blur,plur,lurk,tallur,slur">lure='strcls'>*


="large lg10" stl="font-size:122%"> ='strcls'>*="trms">transference is descriptively very apt for what goes on in artistic moves ='lgc'>[='lgc'><='lgc'>-- to be careful of='lgc'>]


='strcls'>**to risk a feeling of (despair, of...)

the ways some of us risk things intellectually and emotionally ="trms">different than each other


prima donna='lgc'>: doing whatever one does without any particular effort to nuance anything


="large lg10" stl="font-size:113%"> ='strcls'>*multiple impossibilities
learning from ="trms">religion, the ways of which the name of God has become an impossible ="trms">category. both catholics and muslim shia (='at'>#islam) are wellprepared for feeling this way, some kind of recognition of impossible thing. let's take that “being good at recognizing and affirming impossible things” and bring it to the name of women. that means as soon as you name what you mean by ‘women,’ you have told some kind of really impossible lie.
(how my muslim trained sensibilities are working and ="trms">mattering in my ="nms">ajayeb research='qstn'>? ways to ="trms">respond to ='strcls'>*the deadliness and the irreplaceable liveliness of ="trms">religion='strcls'>* ='lgc'>[کشندگی و سرزندگی یکتای مذهب='lgc'>], a ="trms">semiotics with implosion of sign and flesh)='lgc'>='lgc'>--> (i am so happy that) i cannot not know what it is like to be in a believing ="trms">community (a faith-based ="trms">community)='strcls'>***


...out of your own particular little ="trms">historical traditions


='strcls'>*because ='mywrk'>my research is about ="nms">ajayeb it can never only be about ="nms">ajayeb='strcls'>*


you can't do feminist theory without paying attention to the details of women lives
your mode of attention to women in the ="trms">world ='lgc'>==(shapes)='lgc'>='lgc'>==> your mode of attention to='lgc'>:
="lsts lst1">•the way ="trms">databases get set up
="lsts lst1">•the ways ="trms">interdisciplinarities get ="trms">crafted
="lsts lst1">•how you think about tools and genomics


my main point of my project has been about getting better at how to in="trms">herit your ="trms">histories without trashing them='strcls'>*** (even figuring out how to in="trms">herit a ="trms">history that you don't want to in="trms">herit)
(Islam, shyness, kindness, ="nms">ajayeb, ="nms">Iran, stuttering, being all too ="trms"nttrm="already,spread">ready to find complexities, )
="lsts lst1">•to become relaxed about predi="trms">gested version of ‘this is what ="nms">ajayeb is about’ (or Tasavof, etc.) ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> ‘what is going on there’ (in ="nms">ajayeb) is so built-in to ideologies of many kinds (of progress, deep ="trms">ecology, of ="trms">history, and so on)
="lsts lst1">•to build a little taxonomy (in ="nms">apass)
="lsts lst1">•working to give up the series of self-certainties around secularism ='lgc'>='lgc'>==> giving ways to talk to the ="trms">religious ones ='lgc'>: getting to grasp what the ="trms">world looks like in faith-based ="trms">communities (='lgc'>=/= check-="trms"nttrm="listen,alist,ilist,llist,olist,ylist,ulist">list of dogma)
="lsts lst1">•="trms">category thinking='lgc'>: get into ="trms">differential liveliness (with all ="trms">sorts of inequalities='lgc'>:) ='strcls'>*who gets parsed how='strcls'>* ='lgc'>[='at'>#archive, ='at'>#="trms">articulation, ='at'>#="trms">storytelling='lgc'>] (and thinking about what it means to take up these ="trms">relationships in cultures saturated with ="trms">science and ="trms">technology)


="frds scrmbld">Xiri was doing her research with ="trms">categories of victim and opressor, and now they suddenly disappeared from her work. that ="trms">category change or ="trms">vocabulary change was suspiciously effortless

="large lg3" stl="font-size:110%">
="large lg10" stl="font-size:103%"> ='strcls'>*re="trms">membering is an extremely creative practice (-note to ="frds scrmbld">Hoda-)
="trms">memories are like ecotone کناربوم (="trms">transition area between two adjacent eco="trms">systems)


='at'>#(very important concept partly shaped by practices of ="ppl">Darwin into our lives='lgc'>:) “collect” ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> lies (necessary='qstn'>?)
the frenzy of the 1700 of surveying ="trms">nature and collecting speciment ='lgc'>='lgc'>==> bioinfomatic
‘collect’ promises nontransformation
='lgc'>='lgc'>--> ="trms">="trms"nttrm="metaph,metamorph,metabol,metal">metaphors of archive, information-intense ways of thinking about life on earth

='strcls'>*“de="trms">monstration” coined by ="trms">science

="large lg4" stl="font-size:112%"> ="display:block;white-space:nowrap;margin-bottom:-1em;overflow:hidden;">...................................

(with Scout ="ppl">="ppl">Calvert) the ways the digital ="trms">apparatuses are working, and the kinds of tensions and creativities between the cyber infrastructures and the other kinds informational management discourses displace other ="trms">book discourses ='strcls'>*** ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> ="trms">categories explode in library practice
='lgc'>[="ppl">="ppl">Calvert donig brilliant discourse analysis of library ="trms">sciences ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> has direct impact on practices of ="trms"nttrm="already,spread">reading='at'>#, ="trms">different kinds of knowers='lgc'>]
="trms">techno-biblio-capital='lgc'>: ="trms">techno-capital and library practices embedded in each other ='lgc'>='lgc'>-->='lgc'>{ ='lgc'>[='strcls'>*='lgc'>]="trms">technology='lgc'>: assemblages of people, computers, software, discourses, ="trms">techniques and workarounds that make them function; ='lgc'>[='strcls'>*='lgc'>]capital='lgc'>: a ="trms">social arrangement in which buyers of labor power are entitled to profits and the sellers of labor power to wages and all the effects entailed in that arrangement; ='lgc'>[='strcls'>*='lgc'>]="trms">techno-capital='lgc'>: ="trms">techniques, discourse and ="trms">technologies used to ="trms">naturalize and derive capital from information and information ="trms">technologies='lgc'>}
='strcls'>*curiosity='lgc'> = a small and local kind of ='strcls'>*freedom='lgc'>[= ="trms">agency within constrain ='lgc'>==enabling='lgc'>='lgc'>==> ="trms">skillful meanings='lgc'>], curiosity resists control and has the power to defeat one's favourite self-certainties, can also be commodified for ="trms">consumer culture specializing in providing private pleasure,
="trms">techno-capital objectivism='lgc'>: (neutrality of) collection developemnt and format choices ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> power-sensitive judgments
“we will engineer ourselves out of that” ='lgc'>='lgc'>--> naive ="trms">technological optimism; ='strcls'>*the ="trms">technological ="trms">question is cruicial to ="trms">questions of power and knowl="trms"nttrm="knowledge,Knowledge">edge='strcls'>*
="prgrph">-library ="trms">science tends to ="trms">position library as power-neutral spaces
="prgrph">-(="ppl">="ppl">Foucault='lgc'>: resistence to power is always ="trms">present)
“freedom to"[...]